and as a sort of afterthought...

guess what this friday is, people?

INKWELL!

and guess what that means?

YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BE THERE.

not just because you love me, but also because you love good music. and overpriced baked goods. and chilling on gym mats with bean bags on top. mmm yeah. fun times.

remember: admission is $5, bring extra cash for food, prepare for a kickass coupla hours.

i believe kelsey's the one who asked me, so here's the band listing. i'm pretty sure they're listed sequentially, but i'm not positive.

here it is, kids:
-TimmyD and the Mysterious Stranger
-Alcoholic's Anonymous
-Isle of Jura
-Matt Quinn and Billy Weber
-Wild Boys
-Kiley Bense and Emma Wippermann

and in case you don't believe me, here's the facebook event site. as we all know, facebook never lies. (ever... except sometimes.)

http://hs.facebook.com/event.php?eid=6681743500

if you haven't already, rsvp so we can get a general idea of how many people are coming.

thank yahhh.

[this is basically completely unrelated, but i've still got a pretty major writer's/artist's block. it's drvin' me up a wall.]

zoloft and donuts

grrr. so basically, i'm not allowed to be vegan anymore. yeah, not allowed. as in, they're essentially making me start eating dairy and eggs again. this sucks. so. much. i mean, i guess it makes sense for now. i s'pose if i wasn't immersed in chaos, figuring out a well-balanced vegan diet would be a helluva lot easier.

i had a glass of milk last night. my first in a month. it was so WEIRD. after a month of no dairy, a glass of straight milk is pretty strange tasting. and my mother gave me a piece of a donut today. that was also rather odd.

ah well. i still refuse to eat meat. no effing way.

psyche evals = SUCK

really all i can do now is elaborate on the title. it's true. psychiatric evaluations are quite possibly my least favorite way to spend an afternoon. i need at least all ten fingers to count how many i've been to in the last year.

i swear, i should just go in with a speech prepared:

"no, i don't get neglected. no, i haven't been sexually abused. no, my parents don't beat me. no, i'm not going to kill myself. no, i will not inflict pain upon myself. no, we do not need a crisis plan. and yes, i can tell you my name and the current president of the united states."

GAHHHHH!

i'm a basket case. i get it. but seriously, is all this really necessary? i'm going to freak out and burn something down one of these days. then they can legitimately say i need to be committed.

(and why are shrinks so goddamn interested in random shit like how old i was when i crawled and what my first word was?)

i'm hiding in my hoodie

i'm doing so primarily because i don't want my parents (really my mother) to notice that there's one more hole in my ear than there should be.

being the determined person i am, i decided that if my mom wouldn't sign for me to get a second piercing in my ears, i'd do it myself. so i did. with a safety pin and an ice cube. it hurt. a lot. but it's okay now cause i got it pierced and that's all that matters.

i'm incredibly frustrated with facebook at the moment because it keeps fucking up my photo album that i was trying to upload pictures to. i'll just put them here.

i wish it was warmer so i could go attack the apple tree... again.

i want to start updating every day i think. or at least more often than i do. i don't know who would be all that interested in my life, but hey, why not.

i have a list of shit to do longer than my arm. as always, i'm procrastinating. i'll start on it in a bit. maybe. but first...

just a few quick things:
i'm certifiably insane and i've realized today i love who i am.
sharon is crazy - possibly more so than me, which is hard to do - and it's awesome.
becky supplies me with amazing music.
lizzy makes kickass photshop art.
kelsey's in florida and i miss her terribly.
david is my thinking buddy who listens to me rant and scares me about scientology.
my mother is a drill sergeant.
my father is a lazy bum.
my sister is a brat.

and i argued with an idiot today who makes me want to break things.

hopscotch

do you remember those
endless days in august
filled with bubble-blowing
and rope-jumping?

or the evenings spent
fishing for fireflies
in the grass you said
always tickled your ankles?

all this was so much simpler then.
wanting nothing more
than a sleepover
and a meteor shower.

we were content
with a trip to the swingset
and tea in the treehouse.

but long gone are the
early morning hours of
pigtails and pancakes.

we're grownups now.
and though we've abandoned
our barbies and jewels,
we have yet to trade in
our pink sparkly two-seaters
for real ones.

i miss those years
when our destination
for comprehension
was just older.

[feedback please]

sit on the roof and watch time fly

it occurred to me the other day that i am 1/8 of the way done my high school career. i don't know why, but that really sort of shocked me.

we're growing up. in fact, we're almost grownups. that's a scary thought. three and a half years for me until i'm completely on my own. a good deal less for a lot of you.

even just thinking about how much has happened in the past year blows my mind. where was i a year ago? i do believe i had stopped going to school at that point. i was sitting at home. sleeping. not eating. i remember being sooo depressed. that was almost definitely the lowest i've been in my entire life. right now, i don't think i've ever been this happy.

it's scary to look back at who i used to be. good little straightedge, homophobic, basically christian april who did everything her mother asked her to do. jeez. i think if me from 4 years ago could meet me today, we'd both be equally frightened.

i'm not quite sure what sparked this thought. i guess i'm just realizing how quickly life is moving.

somewhere warm and crazy

sharon and i were at the movies last night (juno kicks ass by the way) and started talking about the mainline. this conversation of course was inspired by the gaggles of prepubescent girls jumping around in their authentic uggs, clutching their coach purses, and talking 90 miles per hour on their brand new cell phones.

this area makes me so angry. the mainline is, for the most part, a little pocket of ignorance in a world that's falling apart. everyone is so isolated by their wealth and refusal to shake off their tunnel vision.

not only are people sheltered from the sorrowful, tragedy-struck world around them, but they seem to condemn what little diversity exists locally. be it race, religion, sexuality, or status, individuality appears unacceptable.

i could go on for hours about this. i'm grateful that i live in a relatively safe area and i'm thankful for the education i (and will continue to) receive. it's just that the narrow-mindedness of the general population around here is getting to be too much for me.